Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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