ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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