im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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