i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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