jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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