i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize