Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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