I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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