Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize