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I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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