does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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