just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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