my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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