he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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