I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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