I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i will never coherently bang her
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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