youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize