I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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