i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize