your parents love me but you hate me
The maid of honor just puked.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize