Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize