We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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