just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize