M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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