WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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