I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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