I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize