Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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