I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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