just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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