Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize