I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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