My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize