she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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