I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize