dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
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Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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