Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

why didn't you poke me back

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(248): why didn't you poke me back http://tfl.nu/aomd

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(417): View more from Missouri

You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

(573): View more from Missouri

You can't be serious.

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(417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just found out I have a small penis.

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?

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(617): I just found out I have a small penis. (781): Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/6gqe

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(210): View more from Texas

remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity

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(210): remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity http://tfl.nu/9sni

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

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(412): Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? http://tfl.nu/it9b

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(337): View more from Louisiana

My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.

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(337): My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. http://tfl.nu/n564

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(650): View more from California

some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!

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(650): some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel! http://tfl.nu/ztnc

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

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(+31): No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/gz4d

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob

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(978): nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob http://tfl.nu/cycw

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(903): View more from Texas

One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

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(903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05

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(416): View more from Toronto

WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!

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(416): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?! http://tfl.nu/lb62

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(219): View more from Indiana

Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.

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(219): Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine. http://tfl.nu/fc29

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(912): View more from Georgia

That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.

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(912): That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in. http://tfl.nu/hmpn

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(254): View more from Texas

I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30

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(254): I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30 http://tfl.nu/3ama

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!

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(609): So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!! http://tfl.nu/jit9

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