the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize