now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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