I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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