you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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