You can't motorboat a personality
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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