So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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