we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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