You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize