I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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