You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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