we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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