May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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