You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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